Love You Goodbye
by walkingproof
Summary: Doesn't matter if it's the right thing to do, sometimes it's hard to say goodbye [ONESHOT]
Clarke had her arms over her eyes. She had done it again, she swore she wouldn't but here she was in _his_ bed again. She turned her head and looked over at him, the innocence and peace over his face as he slept was a lie. It was all a lie. She had promised herself that she would stay away, that she wouldn't be sucked in again. She eased herself from under his arm and got out of bed and started picking her clothes up around his apartment. They littered a pathway into his room. Once she had put her clothes on she took one last look at his bedroom and grabbed her keys before slipping out the door.

* * *

"Clarke." She didn't want to look away from her book, "Hey." A hand grabbed the book away and she looked up into those deep brown eyes.

"What do you want Bellamy?" His face fell and he sat beside her on the couch. She could feel the warmth from his body, the warmth she had grown accustomed to. He closed her book and set it on the table. "My place!" she groaned. She didn't even remember what chapter she was on.

"Why did you leave this morning without saying bye?"

"You know why." She didn't want to look at him; it was always hard to keep herself from falling into the same trap over and over again.

Bellamy groaned, "Don't start this again Princess. You know I care about you, you're important to me."

Clarke closed her eyes tight, "You can't keep saying that Bellamy. That's not fair to me and you know it." She pushed herself up from the couch and grabbed her book. "You can't keep me on the back burner for when Roma's on a deployment."

Bellamy's eyes locked on hers, "I care about you Clarke, and you know that."

"Then why do I have to sneak around? Why are there some nights that I can't be at game night because some of her friends are there?" Clarke bit her lip. "It's been almost two years Bellamy, this has to stop."

Bellamy stood from the couch, "I can't stop."

"You want to keep doing this but you won't leave Roma?" She eyed him; they had been through this conversation many times before. But she always fell back into old habits.

Bellamy sighed, "It's complicated."

Clarke's mouth turned into a thin line, "It's been complicated for a year Bell. I have to walk away. Look, I'll see you are her welcome home party tonight." She turned around and walked out of the coffee shop not even looking back.

She went straight over to Raven's and knocked on her door. Raven opened it and seemed shocked to see Clarke at her apartment so early. "I need a drink."

Raven let her in, "Again, huh?" Clarke only nodded and went straight for the Jack Daniels on the top of her fridge. "Clarke you have to stop torturing yourself, you know he's never going to leave her."

"I know that Raven. I tried okay; I went three months with seeing him every week and not ending up at my place. Only this time it was his place." She grumbled pouring what looked like half a glass and took two large gulps before turning to face her friend. "The sad part is every time this happens I know it can't go anywhere."

"Well it's mostly his fault; he takes advantage of the fact that you've been crushing on him since college." Raven sat down on her couch and pulled a blanket over her legs making herself comfortable. She knew the routine. Every time this happened Clarke would show up and she would drink. They would have the same conversation and Clarke would swear him off only to relapse a week or two later.

"I went into this knowing that she'd come back, I just wasn't ready for it to be today. Consider last night the last hoorah of it all. He got his two years of fun while she finished up her time in the Army." She felt disgusted at herself. She wasn't a fan of Roma, but no one deserved to be cheated on while they were off defending their country.

"Well you know I won't leave you to fend for yourself tonight. Just don't drink too much." Raven grabbed the glass that Clarke had almost finished. "We'll just make sure that tonight he'll know what he's missing." She smirked, "I'm calling Octavia." She stood up and grabbed her phone on her counter, "We're going shopping!"

* * *

Clarke tugged at the dress Octavia had picked out for her. Yes it hugged all her curves, and yes it made her boobs look fantastic. But the dress barely covered her ass and these heels were going to be the death of her. Clarke blew away the curl that fell into her face as she was fixing her shoe.

"I really think this is overboard for a welcome home party." Octavia and Raven were standing back admiring their work.

"It's at The Dropship where I'm sure there will be women even more scantily clad than you are. Plus maybe you'll find you a hottie to bring home." Octavia winked at her and Raven tried to hide her laugh. Clarke shot her a glare.

"Look we're dressing up too, so you won't be alone." Raven came over and slapped Clarke's hand from messing with the dress anymore. "Just sit down. We're going to get changed and then we can leave."

They both disappeared back into Raven's room and Clarke chewed her lip. Her stomach was in knots. Every fiber in her body was screaming to go home, to not go to the party. After ten minutes of deliberation she decided she was going home, she would just slip out while Raven and Octavia were getting dressed. She pushed herself up from the couch which turned out to be harder than she thought without ripping the dress. She cursed them for picking one that was so tight.

"Awesome!" Clarke turned to face Octavia. The girls really did know how to dress her body type. Clarke would totally bang her if she wasn't already banging her brother. Clarke shut her eyes. She couldn't believe she had just thought that. "Raven hurry up! We're ready to go." Octavia was grabbing her clutch and by the time she was at the door Raven came out of her room and they all headed to the car.

They pulled up to the club and got out. They were able to skip the line and go straight in. Miller, one of their friends, owned the club and allowed them the VIP section for the night. Clarke was too busy trying to get up the steps in the death traps Octavia called shoes that she missed the brown eyes that lusted over her body from top to bottom.

"Clarke!" She felt arms wrap around her squeezing her tight.

"Roma. I can't breathe." She forced out. She took in a deep breath once Roma let her go.

"I haven't seen you in forever! You never came around when I was home. You've always been a busy bee. Bellamy told me you started taking double shifts at the hospital last time I was home." Clarke refused to look at Bellamy even though she could feel his eyes on her.

"Yeah, got to pay off those student loans somehow." She gave Roma a small smile, "Welcome home."

"Hey babe, Monty and Jasper just came in why don't you go say hi." Clarke flinched at him calling her babe.

"Go ahead Roma, Octavia is waving me over anyways." Clarke stepped away as quickly as she could and headed over to where Octavia and Raven were talking to Finn and Lincoln. She grabbed Raven's drink right out of her hand downed it. "Looks like you need another, I'll go." She hurried out of the VIP area as quick as her heels would take her. She knew she should have stayed at home she didn't want to be here. She didn't want to see his hands on her. She could still feel the traces of where his hands were last night. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath while she leaned against bar before signaling the bartender.

"What can I get you?" Clarke couldn't remember what Raven was drinking.

"Surprise me, but make it strong." The bartender nodded.

"Rough night?"

Clarke nodded, "Like you wouldn't believe."

"Well I've got the perfect cocktail." He was pouring so many liquors in the tumbler that she lost track. He started shaking it, mixing it all together. "So what's going on up there?" He nodded towards the VIP area.

"Ah, welcome home party for a friend that just gone done with her last tour and is getting out of the Army."

"Badass, well that's good she's coming home." The guy nodded.

"Something like that." Clarke mumbled.

The bartender poured the cocktail into a glass and slid it over to her, "Look if you need a refill on that come back to the bar and ask for Atom." Clarke nodded and put a ten on the bar. Atom pushed it back to her, "It's on the house." Clarke smiled.

"Thanks."

Atom leaned against the bar closer to her, "You like you don't want to be here. I get off in an hour if you want to get out of here."

"She's fine staying here." Clarke knew that deep voice and she could tell he was irritated.

She spun around to look at Bellamy, "What are you doing?"

"Keeping you from making a huge mistake."

Clarke glared, "Sorry, but I've already made a huge mistake."

She could tell she hurt Bellamy but she needed to put as much distance between them as possible to make sure she never let it happen again. She pushed past him taking a large drink from her glass. She felt the burn all the way to the pit of her stomach. If tonight got any worse she would definitely be going back for a refill. She climbed the steps and found a free section on a couch and sat down crossing her legs. Everyone was happy and talking and laughing, but all she wanted to do was to go home and spend a night with Jack Daniels. She took another long drink when she saw Bellamy come back. She watched as Roma grabbed his hand and whispered something in his ear.

"Can I have everyone's attention?!" Roma yelled over the music trying to make sure everyone heard her. "We have some very important news." Roma looked to Bellamy. While she looked happy Bellamy's face was expressionless. "We're pregnant and getting married!" Roma showed off her ring and all the girls were cheering and going to see the ring.

Clarke felt her stomach drop and felt the color drain from her face. Clarke couldn't breathe. She had to get some air. Her mind was running a million miles a minute. She was pushing through the crowd not caring if she knocked into someone's drink. She headed past the bathroom and straight into the alley way behind the club. The cool night air hit her face and she leaned against the wall taking long deep breaths. Bellamy was engaged. Roma was pregnant. She had been in Bellamy's bed just this morning. She heard the metal door open. She closed her eyes tight praying that it wasn't Bellamy.

"Clarke." She barely heard it but his deep voice made it carry.

"Don't. Go back inside."

"No. Let me explain." She heard the pleading in his voice and she snapped turning around.

"Explain? You want me to let you _explain_?! I was in your bed less than twenty-four hours ago and you're engaged! Not only engaged, but she's pregnant! And you have the audacity to ask me to let you explain?" Tears blurred her vision, "You don't get to ask anything of me ever again."

"Clarke, stop! You don't understand! I didn't plan this!" He went to grab her hand but she snatched it away.

"You didn't plan this, but you had a ring readily available?"

Bellamy sighed, "I bought that before anything ever started between us."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" She angrily wiped the tears away. "Please tell me that you didn't fuck us in the same day, because I was there with you the night she left." Bellamy's eyes wouldn't meet hers. She felt like someone punched her in the gut and she couldn't catch her breath. She felt Bellamy's hand try to steady her. Her hand shot out and slapped him "Don't touch me!"

Bellamy didn't say anything he just looked at her. She could see the tears forming in his eyes, "You don't get to cry Bellamy. You made your choice. You continued to peruse this knowing I was still hung up on you from college. I was an easy lay while your girlfriend, oh sorry _fiancé_ , was overseas."

"That's not true! I've had feelings for you Clarke, for years! I wouldn't just fuck one of my best friends for a quick lay. I never perused you because you were Octavia's best friend and I knew that she would never forgive me if I hurt you." Clarke couldn't help but laugh at the irony.

"Well you did a shit job of that Bellamy."

Bellamy ran his fingers through his hair and stepped closer to her "You don't think I know that? You don't think that I beat myself up every time we slept together? Not because I regretted it, but because I can't have you and I know what I'm doing and what I'm asking is unfair. But I can't just walk away from you." He threw his hands in the air in defeat "I've tried!"

She pushed Bellamy away from her, "No! You don't get to say those things. You don't get to tell me-"

"That I love you?! Because I do! I've been in love with you for over a year Clarke. This isn't easy for me either."

"You've got to be kidding me. It takes you getting engaged and knocking her up for you to tell me you love me?"

Bellamy walked up to her and cupped her face in his hands, "I've wanted to tell you for the longest time, but everything was so complicated."

"You keep telling me shit is complicated! What's so complicated about it?" She pushed his hands away from her face and put distance between them.

"She had a miscarriage last year!" he yelled, "I felt like I'd be an asshole if I broke up with her because I was in love with someone else!"

She scoffed, "So your solution was to keep cheating?"

"Stop treating me like I didn't love you Clarke. I _do_ love you." He closed the space between them and placed his lips on her. The kiss was hard and fierce. Clarke tried to push him away but he fought back and stayed there. He needed her to know that he loved her. Clarke's body betrayed her mind and she started kissing him back. His hand moved from her face to the back of her neck as his hand slipped to her lower back pulling her closer. He tugged on her bottom lip and it seemed to make them push past the hesitancy. He backed her against the brick wall of the club as he ravaged her lips his hands taking in every inch of her curves.

Bellamy grabbed her ass and picked her up leaning her against the wall. Her dress was riding up which left nothing to his imagination. His hands gripped her hips hard as he grinded his hips into her. Clarke moaned which fueled Bellamy's fire. He buried his face in her neck sucking on her collarbone. Clarke ran her hands through his hair tugging his hair lightly. Bellamy's hands ran up her thighs pushing the rest of her dress up where it bunched at her stomach. He didn't just want her, he needed her. He brushed his thumb against her panties feeling they were already damp. He pushed them to the side and rand his thumb along her slit, only dipping inside to brush against her clit. Her legs tightened around his waist as he started rubbing her clit in small circles.

The haze clouding her mind started to dissipate, "Bell we can't do this." Bellamy slammed his lips on hers and kissed her with everything he had before pulling away.

He slid two fingers inside her "If I can't have you anymore, at least let me love you goodbye." He pumped his fingers in and out. He felt like he was about to bust in his jeans. She moaned and kissed him and he took that as permission. He undid his belt and pushed his jeans to his knees before pulling his dick out. He was so hard that it hurt and the only thing he wanted was her. He lifted her higher until he slid into her. He felt a shiver run down his spine. Being with her was one of the most euphoric feelings and he was never going to have that again. He started slow trying to savor every movement. He tried to kiss every part of her body that he could reach. Trying to memorize every curve and how her goosebumps felt under his lips when he'd slide into her. They both started breathing harder as his pace picked up as much as he wanted to slow down time the feel of being inside her took over. The need to pleasure her, to pleasure himself. Before he was ready she felt apart in his arms and he covered her mouth with his to keep her from getting too loud. But he wasn't done, he needed more. He wanted to be deeper inside her. He wrapped his arms around her back and hooked his arms where his hands were on her shoulders. He pulled her down for each thrust he made feeling himself going deeper inside her. The feeling was pure pleasure. Her nails ran down his back and he picked up his pace. He knew he was getting rough but the way he needed her was almost animalistic. If this was his last time with her he wanted to make it memorable for the both of them. When she moaned his name he came apart emptying himself inside her. He rested his forehead against hers as he tried to catch his breath. His legs were shaking but he didn't want to let go. Once her feet touched the ground he knew it would be over, that this would be it and she would walk away.

"I love you." He whispered savoring every bit of her.

"We can't do this again." Clarke's voice was shaky. Whether it was from the sex or saying goodbye he couldn't tell.

He could barely force the two words out of his mouth, "I know."

* * *

 **A/N:** Okay so another oneshot because writers block on Taking Arcadia is a bitch. Trying to get better at writing some M rated scenes. But I hope you enjoyed. Reviews are always welcome as a form of currency for more work. You all are the best.


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